maybe it's the five hours william spent in the ER last night or the fact that charlotte is almost three months old, but i've definitely been feeling all the feelings when looking at photos like this. i'm guilty of wishing for naptime. and i feel lucky when i get a joint nap time. then nap time is over and it's like a marathon until bed time. and i look forward to it. i feel guilty but i do. i think (i hope) on some level every mama looks forward to time alone. quiet time when their babies are sleeping and no one's screaming or crying. even if it's a good day and full of laughter i still relish that hour or two of quiet i get in the middle of the day.
i say i feel guilty. i see all these other amazing mamas out there loving on their kiddos, having a great time full of smiles and i think that should be me. i should be happy-go-lucky with my babies. i think i shouldn't look forward to nap time and bed time. i think i shouldn't be excited when i get time away from them. but this isn't a kind of guilt i want to feel. what i really shouldn't do is feel guilty about enjoying time to myself.
i love the time i spend with william and charlotte and i know this place looks all happy all the time but that's not real. i mean, it's real, but it's not all the time. a lot of the time it's screaming and crying and hair pulling (and that's just me!). it's me covered in spit up in my pajamas and messy hair all day. it's being peed and pooped on and doing eight loads of laundry.
so, i just wanted to let you know that it's not all glitter and unicorns over here. it's messy and ugly and while some times i look forward to nap time and bed time, i really do love it.